Fishing for Answers: The Dish on my Cancer.

 Cancer:  It’s a disease we are all affected by, either personally or through a family member.  It used to be a death sentence.  But thanks to modern medical research and development, it is not so much anymore, depending on the cancer and situation.  I'm sharing my story. It is to be continued.... This hasn't been a secret, but until now, I haven't openly shared, either.

About to receive my first double-dose of immunotherapy back in March.  I'm psyched and ready to beat this. I've got too much to do, to allow this to slow me down and beat me. Philippians 4:13 states, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Amen.  That's my attitude.

Eleven years ago, I discovered an "itchy" mole on my back that was “suspicious” using the “ABCD”s of skin cancer/melanoma identification.  While fishing with a dear friend, I showed it to him, and he confirmed I should get it looked at.  Sure enough, my dermatologist confirmed it was Melanoma.  In spite of my darker, not fair skin, and no family history of it, I had Melanoma.  I had surgery to remove the mole (1B) – I have a 4” scar on my back to this day – and the doctor took a “sentinel lymph node” to confirm it hadn’t gone elsewhere, and I was done.  It hadn’t.  I went to the dermatologist for the next 4 years, and never had another questionable mole, so I stopped going.  I was cured. End of story, right?...

(Side note:  even as short as 11 years ago, had my melanoma been “metastatic”, ie. Stage 4 and spread through my body, my dermatologist recently told me there would have been little they could do, and that I should get my affairs in order: I would have had 18 -24 months to live.)

Anyway, that wasn’t my case.  Life went on, and I lived a normal life, just being more mindful of SPF and staying covered when outside.

Until this past December…. when one night watching television, I discovered a lump in my underarm lymph node.  The size of ½ a pingpong ball. A visit to the doctor – then another, two ultrasounds, a biopsy or two, pet scans and more blood work than I can count: and then a call back to the doctor confirmed I had Metastatic Melanoma.  Stage 4 Cancer.  Those words hit you hard. I didn't go numb.  But I did take quite a while to process how just that quickly, with those words, my life, my future, and my plans all changed. I had to talk to the doctor again later, just to confirm I understood everything correctly.  So I guess I did go numb a little.  Or it was just overwhelming.  There were a few tears shed that night.

I'm not gonna lie. That was the worst week.  Especially when you are waiting, wondering for a week.... without a sense of direction of what happens next before your first appointment with an oncologist. (A what?  ME? You've gotta be kidding me!)  Your mind and spirit can wander into areas you don't want to go.  That was the worst part. You google a lot.  (Not necessarily recommended, by the way.) And everyone has an opinion on what you should do, and where you should get treatment.  Duke?  Johns Hopkins?  Dana Farber?  U Penn?  E: All of the above???

Nothing else was wrong with me!  I’m in good shape.  Good BMI. No unusual weight loss/gain.  No fatigue. I haven't been sick. No high cholesterol. Good blood pressure. No blood/lab work numbers out of whack. No heart issues. No illnesses of any kind. A clean recent colonoscopy.  (The surgeon even commented afterwards on how he could tell I eat healthy, for what that's worth.) No further moles or anything ever discovered by the dermatologist when I went back and he inspected me from scalp to toes. Nothing even suspicious to him.  But then again, the horse was already out of the barn. Apparently there had been one cell left behind 11 years ago…. and from there, it grew.

It’s now in my spine, my hip, my left lung, possibly my thyroid and my lymph nodes, of course.  (Did I miss anywhere?? One MRI showed it's not in my brain, at least. I'll take a win where I can get one. I can't blame cancer for me forgetting where my car keys are, anyway.)

But I am fortunate. It’s not 11 years ago.  And medicine has advanced tremendously regarding treating melanoma.  My oncologist told me that with immunotherapy, I can get it controlled and it’s no longer a death sentence. Maybe it's just a "chronic illness".  We'll see. I'm looking to "ring that bell" in the oncology treatment room! Can I get an amen!

Making the time to do what I enjoy has become more important: even if it means getting up before 3am to go do a little fishing before work with friends.  Time is precious.  Sleep can come later.

I'll add this, too.  I have been very impressed with the quality of care, speed and effectiveness of all the medical help I have had to receive in the last 4 months.  I've only had one appointment outside Elizabeth City, and that's when I had to go to Norfolk, to get an ENT's opinion on my thyroid. (No surgery or biopsy yet.  Let's see how the IT fares...)

I’ve had 4 double-doses of IT now, and yesterday was the day I had another full body pet scan to compare to the one I had in early March.  The good news is that my “pingpong ball” sized lump is now less than half the size (I can't even feel it anymore, praise God), so I know there has been progress with the IT.  Now it’s just what’s the next course of action.  That will be decided next week after we’ve had a chance to look at all the results. 

A weekend trip in late April with some of my fishing brothers provided encouragement and hope - that I got this!  And the fishing was pretty epic, as well.  As numerous Citation Redfish were caught by many, if not by me, as I was still recovering from a dose of IT.  Still, it was good to be in Buxton, doing what I love with those I love.

How many 1st birthdays can granddaughter #4 have?  Not too many, if you can only make one! I will be part of their lives, memories and legacies.  Take the time.  If you can't be there, make the phone call. Face time. Be active. There isn't such a thing as Quality time.  That's BS.  It's about Quantity! Make those memories for them - as well as yourself.

There is one wrench in my cog to healing, however:  I had to have a bone density drip to stave off any threat of Osteoporosis more than 2 weeks ago (apparently weakening bones is a threat with IT and cancer treatment) and that threw me for a loop.  A fever of greater than 102.3 for over a week led to too much Advil and Tylenol – and that sent my liver numbers crazy high. I’m still waiting for them to rebound down.  Just like oil prices, they went up like a rocket and are only coming down like a feather.  Hopefully, it is just the Tylenol messing them up, and not “IT-induced Hepatitis”.  Which would be a major setback for my treatment.  But I’m staying positive with all of this. Attitude is everything. And my faith remains strong. I truly believe a positive mindset and attitude works wonders on the miracle that is the human body. Do not underestimate the Spirit!  And I would be remiss if I didn't state how many people I know are praying for me.  Each and every one is appreciated and cherished, and more are sought, for those that believe. You can't have too much prayer on your behalf.  I'll take positive thoughts and vibes from anyone, too, if that's your thing.

Some of my prayer warriors presenting me with my JMU-themed cancer prayer blanket.  There were tears of appreciation for their efforts, I'm not ashamed to admit. 

I’ve also realized a few things, as well.  I don’t take anything or anyone for granted anymore.  I don't have time for BS and won't tolerate negativity.  I’ve started looking for that “Bull named Fu Manchu” Tim McGraw sings about and want to enjoy whatever time I am blessed with doing and enjoying the things I've put off.  I’m fishing more.  I'm writing and playing my guitar more. I'm making the time.  My daughter got married last month and I cried the whole weekend – with happiness and joy, savoring every moment. My time with family and dear friends is precious.  My faith holds me strongly, and I am blessed with a career (and assistant) that allows me to have the time to get what I need done, and still effectively take care of my clients.  Life is good.  It really is.

One of the few moments at the Rehearsal Dinner when I wasn't crying, I am blessed and will cherish this moment forever.  (My "5 minute speech" was double that, thanks to tears of joy.)

Cherish the moments you can.  At least I'm not crying in this photo of our Daddy/Daughter Dance.

What does my granddaughter think?  I don't know, but I'm determined to find out.

What are you saving the good stuff for?  Share with those you love, while you can!  Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, and it might not be you whose number is called.  Make every moment count.

My 92 year old mother, dealing with her own medical issues, was able to be healthy enough to come and share the joy!  Four generations of family and love celebrated the weekend.

So, I guess my conclusion to this post is this:  There is something to be said for us ALL, regardless of our predicament, to "live like we were dying".  Have purpose. Don't go through your days without recognizing that each one is numbered. And leave a legacy of love and faith for your family - without regret, for whenever your due date (I don't think of it as an expiration) arrives.  Thanks for reading this.  I hope it helps to encourage you in some way.  Stay tuned.... 

Early morning fishing at River Dunes led to several fun (small) fish to catch.  It beats sleeping.

Later in the day with my son (in the background) also proved to be fruitful.  Time with family and those you love is what counts - not the fish.  (But I did catch more than him!)  ;)

I even caught the Astrological sign of Cancer:  the crab.  I couldn't get away from it... :)  Too soon? Laughter has been a key to my positive attitude through this.  It makes a difference.

Take the time to stop along the back roads and appreciate the flowers - whether they're wild or the local farmer's vibrant canola crop.

But don't forget about your own backyard, as well.  Enjoy the fragrant gardenias you may have neglected for a while, too.  They are fleeting, as are we all.