WELCOME TO THE SOUTH:

My last couple of posts have been deep and heart-felt.  Here's a light-hearted one to add a smile to your day and make you think.  And if you live in the South, make you appreciate why you're here.

  A Southern Uncle's Words of Wisdom for his Northern Niece as she leaves Boston to go to College below the Mason Dixon Line and live on her own, in the South.... Consider this an early birthday present, Sweetie.

The Southern United States.  A different culture than the North, East, West and anywhere else.  It is often derided, but I would say it should be embraced.  After all, there's a reason people keep moving to this part of the country.  It's not just the weather. (And I'm not getting into the politics, either.)

My sister is taking her one and only daughter to college this week.  It's a big deal for the incoming freshman, and my youngest niece.  She's off to a wonderful, prestigious school and is excited about it:  But it's in the South.  A place she's only visited... never lived.  She's been a Boston/New England girl all her life, with limited exposure to all things Southern - as I and my family are the only Southerners she's ever been around on either side of her family.  She's intelligent, very well-educated, talented and well-rounded; but needs to understand some of the basic differences and facts of life that aren't taught in school about the South, or life below the Mason Dixon Line.  So I thought I'd give her some advice.  And to my Southern friends (and transplants), please feel free to add your own, as I know I have forgotten or neglected many. 

We'll begin with some basics.

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*    Not all consonants are necessary in a word.  But don’t worry…. we make up for it.

*    Vowels can be added or extended to words, where they can even add a syllable or two.

*    Country music is simple:  3 chords and the truth.  But Country pop ain’t country music.  This is not up for debate.  Alan Jackson is acceptable.  Florida Georgia Line... just, no.  (Yes, there are southerners who would disagree with me.  But I'm sorry, I'm right.)

*    Even in the South, from how far South you are matters.  When I lived in Richmond (former Capital of the Confederacy) I learned that to Carolinians and those farther South, Virginia wasn't even considered South enough.  And don't even get me started on Delaware and Maryland being Southern states.

*    Florida is the exception, however.  It is the only state where the more north you go, the more Southern you get.  Miami and Key West are not the South.  

*    Fried is an acceptable cooking method for most foods, even vegetables and tomatoes.

*    Grits are kind of like cream of wheat, but better – especially with cheese, spices and/or shrimp.

*    Butter beans are wonderful!  Lima beans, not so much. Know the difference.

*    Green beans are no longer to be called green beans.  They are “snaps”!  Got it?

*    Learn what collard greens are.  They’re better than kale.

*    A ham hock makes any southern vegetable better.  Healthier, not so much….

*    Humidity.  Get used to it.  Sweating while doing nothing is just a fact of life here.

*    Snow - or even just the threat of it, will shut down the South.  We are NOT New England.

*    Don’t dismiss your hunting/fishing friends in college.  You may appreciate them when you’re tired of campus food.  It really is a way of life, and they know how to cook what they kill.

*    Don’t be shocked when people you don’t know greet you with a “Hey”.  We are friendly.

*    God and Country matter. 

*    The “cultural divide” between Democrat/Republican isn’t as real as the media would have you believe.  Real people get along just fine.  The same is true regarding Race.

*    Mosquitoes are big, don’t wait until dark, and in some cases, can carry away small children.

*    Yellow flies, greenheads, no-see-ums, gnats, ticks and wasps of all kinds add to the fun here, too.

*    Learn to identify snakes.  We actually have poisonous ones in the South - but fortunately most that you come across and see are the "good ones" you want around.

*    Sweet tea. Embrace it.  Love it.  It’s everywhere.

*    Bourbon/Tennessee Whiskey:  In a few years when you're legal, I’ll help educate you about the beauty of this elixir. ;)     (Yeah, right..... in a few years).

*    Sports matter – especially college sports.  Learn and follow your team, and you’ll always have something to talk about with everybody.

*    NASCAR matters.  (Though if I’m honest, I still don’t get it, either.) But have a “driver” you like.

*    Blue jeans, cowboy boots and t-shirts are acceptable attire to almost anywhere. Even church.

*    You are in the Bible Belt.  It’s called that for a reason.  Go to church.

*    “Bless your heart” is not a compliment.

*    Neither is “Aren’t you precious.”  I don’t care if they are smiling at you when they say it.

*    If given the invitation, never pass up the opportunity to go have “Nana’s fried chicken.”  It’s probably the best Sunday meal you’ll ever have.  (Just don’t ask how she makes it.)

*    Good ol’ boys love their mama and respect their daddy.  They will treat you right.  Find one.

*    Southern girls often put on a front.  But cut through that, and you’ll have a sister for life.

*    Double names aren't just for girls in the South.  And you will meet a "Bubba".  I met 3 when I first moved to one small town in the South. Some stereotypes are stereotypes for a good reason.

*    Chik fil-a.  Nuf said. Don’t let the line scare you:  they’ve figured out how to keep it moving.

*    Ambrosia… Is it a dessert, or a salad?  I’m still not sure. But it’s good, whenever you eat it.

*     Pee-Can.  Pe-CAWN'.  Let the debate continue.  But the pie is delicious.

*    Homemade biscuits and gravy.  Don't ask.  Just enjoy.  (But don't eat it too often, or you'll feel your arteries harden while you gain 10 pounds.)

*    While the Civil War is long over, Southerners do have pride in their heritage. 

*    Dismiss a Southern Accent as someone who is unintelligent at your own risk.  Not true.

*    Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years in short sleeves and shorts does take some getting used to… I'm not gonna lie.  It’s hard to have a fire in the fireplace when it’s 80 degrees outside.  But at least your Halloween outfit won't be covered up by a parka.

*    John Deere, CAT, Carhartt and Bass Pro truckers' hats are always in style.

*    Especially with Ray Bans, Oakleys, Costas or Maui Jims.

*    Wal-mart and Dollar General can be lifesavers and save you a dollar.  But embrace the Mom/Pop places and diners every chance you get.  That's where you'll be appreciated.

*    Barbecue. Each region of the South takes pride in its version.  Try them all.  Northerners have no idea what a barbecue really is.  Sorry, yankees.  But this is truth.

*    That guy in those old holy jeans, flannel shirt and muddy boots driving a pickup truck may be worth more $ than you and me put together.  Money doesn’t always dress up in the South.  And there's plenty of money here.  We're not all mobile homes and trailer trash.  

* Pickup trucks are very much a source of pride in the South.  Chevy v. Ford v. Ram.... Don't get caught in the middle, but it's nice to have a friend with one.

*    Dogwoods, azaleas, magnolias, crepe myrtles, jasmine, wisteria, camelias and gardenias are proof God loves the South.  When the north is still suffering snow, sleet, ice and mud, the South embraces Spring.

*    But... Spring only lasts a week in the South.  Don't miss it.  Because then it's summer and the humidity and bugs return.

*     Autumn can happen any time between late October and December.  It also lasts about a week.  Then false summer can return.

*    Winter can last a week or two anytime in January or February.  That's when you may have ice.  Look out.  

*    Cold weather is described as anything below 50 degrees.  Don't argue.  Nobody wants to hear about how back in Boston, it hasn't been above 50 degrees since October.  There's a reason people move south.  And yes, you'll still see people wearing flip flops in January.  Leave your Uggs and snow boots behind.  

*    Don't ever pass a Farmers Market on the side of the road without getting whatever the produce they have is.  Peaches, corn, watermelons, collards, heads-on shrimp, thick sliced bacon, peanuts, tomatoes, apples... whatever it is,it's better, fresher and more delicious than anything in a grocery store.  And it's local.  And don't forget the fireworks!  (Even if you have to ask for the "Boomers").

*    Embrace college and your classes, but also embrace the college social life, the culture of your college town, and the surrounding vicinity and country.  The mountains, valleys, forests, lakes, streams and fields have as much to teach you as any classroom.  Live it all!  It's not just about the grades and education.  It's about the experiences.  And road trip when you can!

*     Regardless of time of day, or time of year, if you need someone to talk to, never hesitate to reach out to family.  We're all here for you.  In the South, north or wherever you may be.  College is a wonderful time in your life, and you will make friendships now that will last a lifetime.  It's true.  Embrace your time and the people around you.  You will get much more out of it than you put in.  And your knowledge will expand, as your appreciation for other cultures grows.  The South will welcome you, Sweetie.  Welcome home.  You may never go back north.  I didn't....

Okay Southern readers, what are some other Pearls of Southern Wisdom that need to be added here?