A Charmed Life

 "Do you love me?".  It was a quiet code between my Mom and Dad.  And also Mom and me.  It was a code where she would squeeze my hand four times, each time standing for one of those words.  "Yes I do." I would squeeze three times.  "How much?"  She would squeeze twice.  And then, look out!  I would squeeze her hand as hard as I dared - without breaking it.  And she would smile.  So would I.

Precious moments with Mom were often spent holding hands....

 

Church or our favorite local craft brewery, it didn't matter.  We held hands, and often "squeezed" each other, "Do you love me?"  I will always cherish those moments with her, wherever they were.

Growing up, sitting in church, or walking along together.  Or more recently just sitting next to each other at the local brewery or restaurant, or home....  These are quiet moments we would share, Mom and me.  Memories I will always cherish.  Sometimes I would just squeeze her hand three times, just to let her know I love her.  I did that last Sunday, as we sat in the hospital room saying goodbye to her.  I was hoping there may be some kind of response, but the second stroke had taken away any physical ability she had to respond to us.  We were assured by the neurologist and nurses that she could still hear us, and knew we were there.  So we stayed.  We held her hands.  And we spoke with her. And we kissed her.  We listened to old Christmas music and waltzes and the music she loved.  Those who couldn't physically come to the hospital called in, and we placed the phone to her ear so they could tell her how much she means to them.  We told her it was okay to let go... and let God welcome her. I prayed with her.  I knew Dad was waiting on the other side, ready to greet her.  Along with her family. Oh how she was ready for this day.  But we weren't.  I mean, we knew it was what she wanted, and she was ready.  She didn't want to be part of this world anymore if she was less than whole.  So it was time... But are you ever really ready to let go of your mother?

The nurse told us sometimes people won't "let go" until they know they are alone.  I told Mom that wasn't happening!  I wasn't leaving.  I was going to be there, holding her hand for the rest of her life.  So she might as well know that. I thought about that statement: "the rest of your life..."  Never had it seemed so finite.  And yet it was over 92 years long.  But what a life it was....

Celebrating Mom's 90th birthday, even if there weren't 90 candles.  Lots of memories around for her.

On the cool Spring Palm Sunday morning of March 29, 1931 in Binghamton, NY, Ruthie Anne Miller was born to Helen and Erie.  She was the little girl they'd been waiting for, after their sons Jimmy and Bobby and she would be spoiled. Especially since their son Thomas, born after Bobby, had died shortly after his birth in 1926.  Helen's brother Jack also passed away unexpectedly within days of Thomas and because she was still recovering, Helen couldn't even attend her brother's funeral.  It would be years before they were ready to try again, but when they were, Ruthie was born... and she was perfect.

Celebrating Mom's 90th birthday up in Devon, with her baby photo behind her.

She grew up protected by her older brothers and spoiled by her father who she adored. Growing up in rural Ithaca, NY during the Depression was a childhood of wonderful memories for her, living on a farm and blessed to not know want or need.  That's not to say the family didn't suffer hardship, but they just made sure that it didn't affect the children, and they weren't aware of all the struggles - especially Ruthie.

Friendships and family meant everything to her and would mean everything all of her life. Family gatherings, picnics, cookouts, Holidays - all were precious time to be cherished, and friends were always welcome.  

Little Ruthie loved to watch her Daddy show his horse Red.

Jimmy and Bobby served during the War, and when it was over, they took a cross country motorcycle journey.  Ruthie graduated from Ithaca High School in 1949, and then went to Keuka College and Syracuse.  A member of the Sigma Kappa sorority, she graduated with a BS in business and got a job with DuPont down in Wilmington, DE in 1953.

Ruthie's senior portrait. 

She moved into an apartment with new best friend Eleanor, and shortly after beginning work there, met an interesting young man - who also happened to be from Ithaca, Peter Babiy.

Peter had gone to Cornell University and joined the Air Force ROTC program while driving an ambulance during free time, to pay for college, so he was serving his time in the Air Force, but was also hired by E.I. Du Pont de Nemours so that he had a career when his time in the Service was over.

This photo, taken on the Eve of their wedding, 12/26/1955, shows their eyes were twinkling long before we were even a twinkle in their eyes.  

A whirlwind romance and a wedding on December 27, 1955 when Peter had time off between the Holidays, and then it was off to Malden, Missouri with the USAF.  Then San Antonio, Texas and Palm Beach, Florida.  Next was Lincoln, Nebraska (where Paul Theodore "Teddy" was born).  Then with the Air Force duty complete, the young family moved back to Wilmington, DE - Du Pont's HQ, and Helen-Anne was born.  After a couple years, the growing family was transferred to Charlotte, NC (where Daniel Miller was born).  It was during this time that Erie developed cancer and passed away in May of 1964.  

The Babiy family is complete

The next year, however, the family was transferred again - this time to Geneva, Switzerland.  Thus began what Ruthie would refer to as her Cinderella years.  Five years of living in the heart of Europe, which included travel all over. Zermatt, Florence, London, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Denmark, Spain, France.  And of course, annual trips back to Ithaca to visit family.  And her mother, Helen would come visit her, too.  Friendships grew in Geneva with families that would carry forward for the rest of their lives, as well as the children.

Mom and Dad were in the thick of child raising years then.  And they needed help.  So those were the years Mom and Dad got a new Danish Au Pair every year... typically a 19 year old beauty who would become family with us.  Elisabeth, Doris, Kirsten all were precious to us, and would remain in contact with us throughout their lives.  It's interesting that none of them ever had children of their own... hmmm. Not sure what to think of that.  ;)

May of 1970 brought the time to return to the States again.  With an ill-fated trans-Atlantic cruise on the Rafaello out of Genoa, SS Raffaello - Wikipedia when it ran into an oil tanker at the Strait of Gibraltar, the family had to fly out of London to complete the journey back to Wilmington.

For the next 37 years Ruth and Peter raised their family, watched their children marry and had grandchildren.  Mom perfected her baking (raspberry/blueberry pie with berries from our back yard will always be my favorite), sewing, flower arranging and knitting skills, and I am proud to say that many of her sweaters that she knit me during this time, I still proudly own and wear.  I'm just sorry that the "faux denim" leisure suit she made me in the late '70s not only didn't survive, but there are no photos of me in it, either.  But then again, maybe that's not a bad thing.... Still, I remember wearing that outfit proudly to church.  It was the 70s, after all....

Oh how she loved arranging flowers!  Gardenias and gladiolas were among her favorites!

The Austrian American Society in Wilmington was an organization that my parents were thrilled to be a part of, and many a Dirndl was made by Mom, so that she could look good for the annual "Heurigan", often held in our own back yard - with lights, wine and accordian player.  Then there was the annual Ball, a formal affair where Strauss' Waltzes were played and danced.

Many a fond memory I will have, of Mom playing the piano. Whether it was before a dinner party, or just because.  The sound of her playing always brought us joy.  Her musical talents as well as her poetry and writing talents are ones I am fortunate enough to have inherited from her.

Mom loved church. For decades, she was a member of both the Concord Presbyterian Church choir, as well as the choir at Westminster Presbyterian Church when the family began attending there, too.  The PEO Sisterhood meant a great deal to her, as well.  And where ever she went, she made sure she connected with her "sisters" there.

She was an accomplished swimmer and diver in her time, holding her jackknife and swan dives perfectly with those toes pointed, as she entered the water, well into her 50s and beyond.

Family trips to Ithaca, time spent at "Uncle Bob's cottage" on Cayuga Lake, Family reunions celebrating Granny and Opa's 50th anniversary or other occasions were all cherished by us.  As the generations passed, and we were all out of the house, Mom and Dad were ready to move on, themselves.   Thus, they moved to Sarasota, to begin their "Golden Years".  

Mom, Grandma and Dad at Taughannock Falls, just outside Ithaca.

Too many memories with family and friends occurred at Uncle Bob's cottage on Cayuga Lake.

With Dad's unique story, his ties to his Austrian family and friends remained strong throughout his life, and Ruth and Peter traveled to Austria at least annually to see and catch up with everyone.  It was during their last trip 11 years ago, that we realized Dad was slipping. But at least each of the kids and grandkids had had the chance to also see/meet and be with family and learn the history and backstory of their heritage. Something we all cherish.

Family and friends in Austria will always be an important part of our heritage through every generation past, present and future.

A surprise 80th birthday for Dad in Sarasota was a highlight of their time in their "Golden Years" there.

The next few years brought Mom and Dad back to the Wilmington area (Maris Grove) as Dad's health deteriorated, and when he passed, just short of their 60th anniversary, we celebrated his life and appreciated all he had overcome.  Mom would mourn the loss of her beloved Peter always, but God bless her, she did not slow down.  She continued to do what she could and she traveled.  Whether it was up to Massachusetts to be with Helen-Anne, or down to North Carolina to be with me.  Physically she slowed down, with a bad knee, but her wit and mind stayed sharp, and those knitting skills continued to bless family and friends around her.  A Yarn Shop in Elizabeth City became her favorite place to hang with new friends when she visited - and she even "facetimed" with them when she wasn't there, so the ladies could stay up on what was happening with Ruthie as well as whatever project she was working on.

Her health was strong enough that she even got to plan and take two last "Bucket List" trips with family - one to Cancun, and one to Ireland in the last five years, and what a blessing they were for her and those that went.  

The swimming pool in Cancun was a favorite place for her.  But she loved swimming and diving all her life, anyway.  This was far warmer than Cayuga Lake!

Holding an eagle in Ireland was a highlight. Her last two trips with family were two of her favorite trips, and she was blessed to be able to experience them.  As were those who went with her!

Mom stayed active to the end.  While she had two brief hospital stays in April and May, she and my family were determined that she would continue with her plans - not the least of which was attending her granddaughter's wedding down in North Carolina towards the end of May.  An event that not only did she attend, but she shined!  We are so grateful that she (with my brother and his family and my sister with hers) were all able to attend.  It would be the last time we were all together.

While not everyone was in this photo, we are so grateful that Mom was able to attend Sheldon and Timothy's wedding, and now only cherish that weekend even more.

Saying goodbye Sunday morning... Did we realize it really was Goodbye?  But what a blessing it was to have her and all the family there for such a wonderful celebration of love!

On Monday, July 3 she went and played bridge at the Senior Center in Devon (a passion she and Dad shared throughout their lives).  But sometime during the night she suffered a stroke.  And on what would have been her brother Bob's 100th birthday, July 4, 2023 she was admitted to the hospital.  Later that evening, she suffered a second stroke, and we knew there would be no recovery.  Which brought us all to be around her.  

It is a blessing to have lived such a life.  And Mom always said she had a charmed life.  She got to see and do so much.  She was loved, and she loved.  She had a long, wonderful marriage, and family and lifelong friendships she cherished.  She saw so many changes and advancements during her lifetime, and embraced modern technology to the point where she used her I-Pad to download patterns for her knitting.  Yet "old fashioned" skills like knitting, quilting, cross stitch, needlepoint and such were something she enjoyed to the end as well.  As she did her piano, ping pong and poetry writing.  

Mom loved Ping Pong and even won a tournament or two in her day.  She also was always game for pool/billiards, and never passed up a game of Scrabble - especially with her kids or grandkids.  

Sunday evening, July 9, 2023, at around 8:45pm, the nurse came in one more time.  Ted was with Mom on one side, and I was holding her other hand on the other.  The nurse spoke with us, and while she was speaking, I could sense in Mom's hand, that she was "ready".  A few final breaths while the nurse was there, and Mom slipped from our hands over to Dad on the other side. Our handover was complete.

I had held Mom's hand one final time, and gave her one last long hard squeeze of love and goodbye.  We stayed in silence and tears for a while, processing it all.  I had brought up some gardenias from my back yard the day before, and their fragrance abounded in the room with her.  

Mom's last bouquet of gardenias filled her room with a wonderful scent, and were gently placed on her chest by Ted as we left her room.  It was a very touching moment I will always remember.

As we left, we took with us the bouquets that my sister and others had sent, but I left the gardenias with her.  Ted took them and placed them on her chest... and I thanked him.  That would be the last image I have of my mother... her lying peacefully with them.  

I always jokingly said that when Mom "goes" it better be in the Fall or Winter so that we can all wear a sweater or something that she had made us, in tribute to her.  Well, July isn't exactly chilly, so we're going to have a Celebration and Memorial Service for her sometime later this fall.  Maybe September 30 or so.  With any luck, there'll be a cold front coming through, and I can wear one of her sweaters.

If not, I always have a belt, or socks I can wear.

Regardless, I know she rests easy now.  She's with Dad and her family - and she's with Jesus.  While we cry selfish tears, I don't question where she is, as I know her faith was real. So it really isn't goodbye.  It truly is, as is written on her and Dad's grave, "Auf Wiedersehen".  Until we see you again.  Thank you, Mom.  Thank you for everything.  Your legacy of love, and a lifetime of commitment to others will always be something we all cherish.

Ruthie and Peter together again; and now forever in HIS embrace.
"Auf Wiedersehen, Mom and Dad".  Until we meet again.

Mom's Obituary: Ruth Anne (Miller) Babiy Obituary - Ithaca Journal